The Poetry and Family event which took place recently at the National Portrait Gallery, was one of the best Poet in the City events I can remember. Three things struck me very forcibly:
Most obvious was the quality of the poems on this subject read out by Wendy Cope, Jackie Kay and John Siddique. It was a vivid demonstration of the way in which poetry can address difficult and emotionally charged subjects in a subtle, nuanced and non-judgemental way. All three poets had experienced some pain and dysfunction in relation to their families but all discussed the subject in a way that was inspiring, honest and compassionate.
The second striking thing was the way in which the poets displayed how important the family remains even when it is not the conventional family of 1950s mythology. Jackie Kay presented the joy and love of her adopted family and of gay parents bringing up a child. John Siddique talked about the pleasures and challenges of step children. And Wendy read a poem revealing her feelings of solidarity with her sister, both of them survivors of a claustrophobic childhood.
Thirdly, and perhaps most surprisingly, all three poets touched upon religion and the almost entirely negative part that it played in their family lives. In the case of Wendy and John it was religion experienced as a rigid and oppressive regime. In Jackie’s case it was the disconcerting fact that, when she sought out her birth parents, she found that her mum and dad had become a Mormon and an evangelical Christian respectively. Sadly, in both cases, they sought to justify in religious terms their continued refusal to acknowledge their daughter.
It was therefore fitting that the event should be hosted by Anne Atkins, a regular presenter of BBC Radio 4’s Thought for Today, who is known for combining religious faith and family life. Anne’s experience demonstrates that religion which is not fanatical or hypocritical can provide a positive guide. She spoke movingly of her life bringing up 5 children.
It was an evening completely without sentimentality. As Walt Whitman says: ‘The poet judges not as a judge judges but as the sun falling around a helpless thing’. I for one was left with a great sense of both the enormous resilience and the childlike fragility of the human being.